I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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