The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
