WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
