There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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