I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
