He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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