The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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