my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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