Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
