we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
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Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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