what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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