Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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