Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize