I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
