I want to make a zoo with you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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