Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
