Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
