what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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