Michael Bay diarrhea
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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