I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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