At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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