I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
