guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
