today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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