I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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