I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
