She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
