is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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