your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
