then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
