it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
