He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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