The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
