You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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