Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
