The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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