she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
