OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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