my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
