Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
