I can tuck mytits in my pants
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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