you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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