pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
