Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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