mondays should just be called national damage control day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
