Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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