Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
