There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
