Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
