So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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