So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
