I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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