Having a random hookup so left but love u
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
