I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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