there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
