apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
