i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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