A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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