I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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