32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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