honey bunches of taint.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
