I would go down on you faster than GM stock
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
