no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
