i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
