I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
