4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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