my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
