today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Help. Why am I so naked?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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