I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
