I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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