I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
