People in love make me want to vomit
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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