Your tits are I can't wait for
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
