On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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