i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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