STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
