Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You don't make any sense
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