We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
