Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
