Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
love makes seman taste better
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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