I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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