I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
