brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
