By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
