I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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