I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
