If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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