i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
