Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
