I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
