you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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